So I am 39 weeks pregnant and my due date is on Monday. However, I can say with 100% certanty that the 4th will be the actual 9 month mark since conception =^) So my babygirl should be here any day now.
I'm nervous. Scared. Excited. Worried. Impatient. Happy and sad all at the same time right now....which I'm sure most of you, who have been here, experienced too. I'm so excited that I will be able to hold her for the first time soon and that I will have a better version of me and my husband to take care of and guide and love. But I'm scared out of my mind...how will I deal with the no sleep? What if I can't figure out why she's crying? What if she gets really sick? What if I mess up? How will I ever be able to walk out the door or watch the news again without thinking "Something bad could happen to her??"
I never thought that I would ever have kids. It just wasn't something that I looked forward to in my life. I mean, it's not like I didn't want kids....it's just I could never picture myself as a parent. I was never the girl that said to herself "One day I want __ kids" If I was around friends who had babies, I didn't know what to say or how to act around them. I'd see other people just talking away to the baby or toddler and I would sit there all quiet. Then, when the parent expected me to talk to the baby, I just felt silly! I don't know if I'm making any sense here....and I know I'm rambling....I'm just nervous and afraid that I won't be a good mother. I know that a lot of women go through these emotions before the baby comes....but I guess that every woman also feels like she's the first one to feel that way, ya know? It's the never ending cycle I guess.
Another thing that I am looking forward to but also dreading is all the family that will be here. My parents are going to drive here once they get the phone call and be in the delivery room with me....as long as my labor lasts longer than 4 hours because that's how far away they are. Also, James' Aunt and Grandma will definetely be here. Then, his Dad and girlfriend are trying to fly in, plus his cousin and lastly my best friend is going to try and make it. I'm excited that our families will get a chance to meet finally and I'm excited because I know that everyone is going to me baking up a storm for us while they're here and bringing gifts and what not. But I'm dreading it because I've heard how families can be around new parents. I'll be grateful for advice and the help but I'm not looking forward to the "do it this way" "no, you have to do this" and pretty much being told what to do with my own baby and everyone thinking that their way is the right way. Again, I hope I'm making sense here....I'm not trying to sound bitchy or anything, but it's like the people who haven't taken care of a baby in 40 years feel as though they can tell you what to do and what not to do. I'm sure that everyone who's been a parent has some good advice and only means well, but I guess what I'm saying is, there's such a thing as being helpful and then there's over bearing......ya know?
However, it is family and family only means well so I know that I will just sit there and listen and nod at everything that is said. Because they all have to leave eventually! =^)
Well, this may be my last post for awhile but we'll see how the next week goes!
Wish me luck people!!
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Very true stuff....IMHO
Ok, so I got this great email today and I want to share it. Now, I realize that some may not agree with what I'm going to post here but it doesn't bother me because this is my personal blog and my personal opinions. If you don't agree then that's just fine because everyone is entitled to their own opinions. All I ask is for those of you that do not agree, please don't bother sending me mean comments because I will delete them. Feel free to send me comments of your point of view, but please leave the nastiness out of it. Thanks yall!
Oh! And for those of you that like what I am about to post, be sure to look at the bottom because it tells you where you can read more from this guy.
Enjoy!!!................
I’m Tired
Robert A. Hall
I’ll be 63 soon. Except for one semester in college when jobs were scarce, and a six-month period when I was between jobs, but job-hunting every day, I’ve worked, hard, since I was 18. Despite some health challenges, I still put in 50-hour weeks, and haven’t called in sick in seven or eight years. I make a good salary, but I didn’t inherit my job or my income, and I worked to get where I am. Given the economy, there’s no retirement in sight, and I’m tired. Very tired.
I’m tired of being told that I have to "spread the wealth around" to people who don’t have my work ethic. I’m tired of being told the government will take the money I earned, by force if necessary, and give it to people too lazy or stupid to earn it.
I’m tired of being told that I have to pay more taxes to "keep people in their homes." Sure, if they lost their jobs or got sick, I’m willing to help. But if they bought McMansions at three times the price of our paid-off, $250,000 condo, on one-third of my salary, then let the leftwing Congresscritters who passed Fannie and Freddie and the Community Reinvestment Act that created the bubble help them—with their own money.
I’m tired of being told how bad America is by leftwing millionaires like Michael Moore, George Soros and Hollywood entertainers who live in luxury because of the opportunities America offers. In thirty years, if they get their way, the United States will have the religious freedom and women’s rights of Saudi Arabia, the economy of Zimbabwe, the freedom of the press of China, the crime and violence of Mexico, the tolerance for Gay people of Iran, and the freedom of speech of Venezuela. Won’t multiculturalism be beautiful?
I’m tired of being told that Islam is a "Religion of Peace," when every day I can read dozens of stories of Muslim men killing their sisters, wives and daughters for their family "honor;" of Muslims rioting over some slight offense; of Muslims murdering Christian and Jews because they aren’t "believers;" of Muslims burning schools for girls; of Muslims stoning teenage rape victims to death for "adultery;" of Muslims mutilating the genitals of little girls; all in the name of Allah, because the Qur’an and Shari’a law tells them to.
I believe "a man should be judged by the content of his character, not by the color of his skin." I’m tired of being told that "race doesn’t matter" in the post-racial world of President Obama, when it’s all that matters in affirmative action jobs, lower college admission and graduation standards for minorities (harming them the most), government contract set-asides, tolerance for the ghetto culture of violence and fatherless children that hurts minorities more than anyone, and in the appointment of US Senators from Illinois. I think it’s very cool that we have a black president and that a black child is doing her homework at the desk where Lincoln wrote the emancipation proclamation. I just wish the black president was Condi Rice, or someone who believes more in freedom and the individual and less in an all-knowing government.
I’m tired of a news media that thinks Bush’s fundraising and inaugural expenses were obscene, but that think Obama’s, at triple the cost, were wonderful. That thinks Bush exercising daily was a waste of presidential time, but Obama exercising is a great example for the public to control weight and stress, that picked over every line of Bush’s military records, but never demanded that Kerry release his, that slammed Palin with two years as governor for being too inexperienced for VP, but touted Obama with three years as senator as potentially the best president ever.
Wonder why people are dropping their subscriptions or switching to Fox News? Get a clue. I didn’t vote for Bush in 2000, but the media and Kerry drove me to his camp in 2004.
I’m tired of being told that out of "tolerance for other cultures" we must let Saudi Arabia use our oil money to fund mosques and madrassa Islamic schools to preach hate in America, while no American group is allowed to fund a church, synagogue or religious school in Saudi Arabia to teach love and tolerance.
I’m tired of being told I must lower my living standard to fight global warming, which no one is allowed to debate. My wife and I live in a two-bedroom apartment and carpool together five miles to our jobs. We also own a three-bedroom condo where our daughter and granddaughter live. Our carbon footprint is about 5% of Al Gore’s, and if you’re greener than Gore, you’re green enough.
I’m tired of being told that drug addicts have a disease, and I must help support and treat them, and pay for the damage they do. Did a giant germ rush out of a dark alley, grab them, and stuff white powder up their noses while they tried to fight it off? I don’t think Gay people choose to be Gay, but I damn sure think druggies chose to take drugs. And I’m tired of harassment from cool people treating me like a freak when I tell them I never tried marijuana.
I’m tired of illegal aliens being called "undocumented workers," especially the ones who aren’t working, but are living on welfare or crime. What’s next? Calling drug dealers, "Undocumented Pharmacists"? And, no, I’m not against Hispanics. Most of them are Catholic and it’s been a few hundred years since Catholics wanted to kill me for my religion. I’m willing to fast track for citizenship any Hispanic person who can speak English, doesn’t have a criminal record and who is self-supporting without family on welfare, or who serves honorably for three years in our military. Those are the citize ns we need.
I’m tired of latte liberals and journalists, who would never wear the uniform of the Republic themselves, or let their entitlement-handicapped kids near a recruiting station, trashing our military. They and their kids can sit at home, never having to make split-second decisions under life and death circumstances, and bad mouth better people then themselves. Do bad things happen in war? You bet. Do our troops sometimes misbehave? Sure. Does this compare with the atrocities that were the policy of our enemies for the last fifty years—and still are? Not even close. So here’s the deal. I’ll let myself be subjected to all the humiliation and abuse that was heaped on terrorists at Abu Ghraib or Gitmo, and the critics can let themselves be subject to captivity by the Muslims who tortured and beheaded Daniel Pearl in Pakistan, or the Muslims who tortured and murdered Marine Lt. Col. William Higgins in Lebanon, or the Muslims who ran the blood-spattered Al Qaeda torture rooms our troops found in Iraq, or the Muslims who cut off the heads of schoolgirls in Indonesia, because the girls were Christian. Then we’ll compare notes. British and American soldiers are the only troops in history that civilians came to for help and handouts, instead of hiding from in fear.
I’m tired of people telling me that their party has a corner on virtue and the other party has a corner on corruption. Read the papers—bums are bi-partisan. And I’m tired of people telling me we need bi-partisanship. I live in Illinois, where the "Illinois Combine" of Democrats and Republicans has worked together harmoniously to loot the public for years. And I notice that the tax cheats in Obama’s cabinet are bi-partisan as well..
I’m tired of hearing wealthy athletes, entertainers and politicians of both parties talking about innocent mistakes, stupid mistakes or youthful mistakes, when we all know they think their only mistake was getting caught. I’m tired of people with a sense of entitlement, rich or poor.
Speaking of poor, I’m tired of hearing people with air-conditioned homes, color TVs and two cars called poor. The majority of Americans didn’t have that in 1970, but we didn’t know we were "poor." The poverty pimps have to keep changing the definition of poor to keep the dollars flowing.
I’m real tired of people who don’t take responsibility for their lives and actions. I’m tired of hearing them blame the government, or discrimination, or big-whatever for their problems.
Yes, I’m damn tired. But I’m also glad to be 63. Because, mostly, I’m not going to get to see the world these people are making. I’m just sorry for my granddaughter.
Robert A. Hall is a Marine Vietnam veteran who served five terms in the Massachusetts state senate. He blogs at www.tartanmarine.blogspot.com
P.S. Here's a very good quote that Robert Hall has on his blog that I would like to include on here.
The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not. --Thomas Jefferson
Oh! And for those of you that like what I am about to post, be sure to look at the bottom because it tells you where you can read more from this guy.
Enjoy!!!................
I’m Tired
Robert A. Hall
I’ll be 63 soon. Except for one semester in college when jobs were scarce, and a six-month period when I was between jobs, but job-hunting every day, I’ve worked, hard, since I was 18. Despite some health challenges, I still put in 50-hour weeks, and haven’t called in sick in seven or eight years. I make a good salary, but I didn’t inherit my job or my income, and I worked to get where I am. Given the economy, there’s no retirement in sight, and I’m tired. Very tired.
I’m tired of being told that I have to "spread the wealth around" to people who don’t have my work ethic. I’m tired of being told the government will take the money I earned, by force if necessary, and give it to people too lazy or stupid to earn it.
I’m tired of being told that I have to pay more taxes to "keep people in their homes." Sure, if they lost their jobs or got sick, I’m willing to help. But if they bought McMansions at three times the price of our paid-off, $250,000 condo, on one-third of my salary, then let the leftwing Congresscritters who passed Fannie and Freddie and the Community Reinvestment Act that created the bubble help them—with their own money.
I’m tired of being told how bad America is by leftwing millionaires like Michael Moore, George Soros and Hollywood entertainers who live in luxury because of the opportunities America offers. In thirty years, if they get their way, the United States will have the religious freedom and women’s rights of Saudi Arabia, the economy of Zimbabwe, the freedom of the press of China, the crime and violence of Mexico, the tolerance for Gay people of Iran, and the freedom of speech of Venezuela. Won’t multiculturalism be beautiful?
I’m tired of being told that Islam is a "Religion of Peace," when every day I can read dozens of stories of Muslim men killing their sisters, wives and daughters for their family "honor;" of Muslims rioting over some slight offense; of Muslims murdering Christian and Jews because they aren’t "believers;" of Muslims burning schools for girls; of Muslims stoning teenage rape victims to death for "adultery;" of Muslims mutilating the genitals of little girls; all in the name of Allah, because the Qur’an and Shari’a law tells them to.
I believe "a man should be judged by the content of his character, not by the color of his skin." I’m tired of being told that "race doesn’t matter" in the post-racial world of President Obama, when it’s all that matters in affirmative action jobs, lower college admission and graduation standards for minorities (harming them the most), government contract set-asides, tolerance for the ghetto culture of violence and fatherless children that hurts minorities more than anyone, and in the appointment of US Senators from Illinois. I think it’s very cool that we have a black president and that a black child is doing her homework at the desk where Lincoln wrote the emancipation proclamation. I just wish the black president was Condi Rice, or someone who believes more in freedom and the individual and less in an all-knowing government.
I’m tired of a news media that thinks Bush’s fundraising and inaugural expenses were obscene, but that think Obama’s, at triple the cost, were wonderful. That thinks Bush exercising daily was a waste of presidential time, but Obama exercising is a great example for the public to control weight and stress, that picked over every line of Bush’s military records, but never demanded that Kerry release his, that slammed Palin with two years as governor for being too inexperienced for VP, but touted Obama with three years as senator as potentially the best president ever.
Wonder why people are dropping their subscriptions or switching to Fox News? Get a clue. I didn’t vote for Bush in 2000, but the media and Kerry drove me to his camp in 2004.
I’m tired of being told that out of "tolerance for other cultures" we must let Saudi Arabia use our oil money to fund mosques and madrassa Islamic schools to preach hate in America, while no American group is allowed to fund a church, synagogue or religious school in Saudi Arabia to teach love and tolerance.
I’m tired of being told I must lower my living standard to fight global warming, which no one is allowed to debate. My wife and I live in a two-bedroom apartment and carpool together five miles to our jobs. We also own a three-bedroom condo where our daughter and granddaughter live. Our carbon footprint is about 5% of Al Gore’s, and if you’re greener than Gore, you’re green enough.
I’m tired of being told that drug addicts have a disease, and I must help support and treat them, and pay for the damage they do. Did a giant germ rush out of a dark alley, grab them, and stuff white powder up their noses while they tried to fight it off? I don’t think Gay people choose to be Gay, but I damn sure think druggies chose to take drugs. And I’m tired of harassment from cool people treating me like a freak when I tell them I never tried marijuana.
I’m tired of illegal aliens being called "undocumented workers," especially the ones who aren’t working, but are living on welfare or crime. What’s next? Calling drug dealers, "Undocumented Pharmacists"? And, no, I’m not against Hispanics. Most of them are Catholic and it’s been a few hundred years since Catholics wanted to kill me for my religion. I’m willing to fast track for citizenship any Hispanic person who can speak English, doesn’t have a criminal record and who is self-supporting without family on welfare, or who serves honorably for three years in our military. Those are the citize ns we need.
I’m tired of latte liberals and journalists, who would never wear the uniform of the Republic themselves, or let their entitlement-handicapped kids near a recruiting station, trashing our military. They and their kids can sit at home, never having to make split-second decisions under life and death circumstances, and bad mouth better people then themselves. Do bad things happen in war? You bet. Do our troops sometimes misbehave? Sure. Does this compare with the atrocities that were the policy of our enemies for the last fifty years—and still are? Not even close. So here’s the deal. I’ll let myself be subjected to all the humiliation and abuse that was heaped on terrorists at Abu Ghraib or Gitmo, and the critics can let themselves be subject to captivity by the Muslims who tortured and beheaded Daniel Pearl in Pakistan, or the Muslims who tortured and murdered Marine Lt. Col. William Higgins in Lebanon, or the Muslims who ran the blood-spattered Al Qaeda torture rooms our troops found in Iraq, or the Muslims who cut off the heads of schoolgirls in Indonesia, because the girls were Christian. Then we’ll compare notes. British and American soldiers are the only troops in history that civilians came to for help and handouts, instead of hiding from in fear.
I’m tired of people telling me that their party has a corner on virtue and the other party has a corner on corruption. Read the papers—bums are bi-partisan. And I’m tired of people telling me we need bi-partisanship. I live in Illinois, where the "Illinois Combine" of Democrats and Republicans has worked together harmoniously to loot the public for years. And I notice that the tax cheats in Obama’s cabinet are bi-partisan as well..
I’m tired of hearing wealthy athletes, entertainers and politicians of both parties talking about innocent mistakes, stupid mistakes or youthful mistakes, when we all know they think their only mistake was getting caught. I’m tired of people with a sense of entitlement, rich or poor.
Speaking of poor, I’m tired of hearing people with air-conditioned homes, color TVs and two cars called poor. The majority of Americans didn’t have that in 1970, but we didn’t know we were "poor." The poverty pimps have to keep changing the definition of poor to keep the dollars flowing.
I’m real tired of people who don’t take responsibility for their lives and actions. I’m tired of hearing them blame the government, or discrimination, or big-whatever for their problems.
Yes, I’m damn tired. But I’m also glad to be 63. Because, mostly, I’m not going to get to see the world these people are making. I’m just sorry for my granddaughter.
Robert A. Hall is a Marine Vietnam veteran who served five terms in the Massachusetts state senate. He blogs at www.tartanmarine.blogspot.com
P.S. Here's a very good quote that Robert Hall has on his blog that I would like to include on here.
The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not. --Thomas Jefferson
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Stupid weather!
So I am in week 36 and I wish this kid would hurry the hell up and pop out! haha. I just really really want my body back. I'm tired of sharing =^). Plus, I'm starting to get sick now and that really blows since I can't really do much, medication wise. I think it's because of this weather we're having. This time last week it actually felt really nice outside, then starting on Sunday, it gets freezing outside. We only got like an inch of snow here but the temp dropped down to the mid 20s and the windchill was like 15 degrees. BLAH!
James is in Indiana until this Saturday and has been since the sunday before last so I'm stuck alone in my apartment again. This weekend was nice though because my momma surprised me and came to visit for the weekend. It was so nice because she's been the one I've complained to the most about never feeling like I get any help and I wish James would pamper me just a little. And that's what she came here to do. She made me these tiny ham sandwiches that I love and would refill my drink if it was empty and clean out the litter box and wash the dishes. It was just so awesome to have her here with me for a couple days. I also got her hooked on Gilmore Girls! We had all these plans to go out and do all these errands that I've been putting off, but it rained all weekend and it was cold so we just decided to stay in most of the time. She taught me how to knit and got me a crocheting kit so I can learn how to do that too. We did get a couple errands out of the way but after 2 hours, we just wanted to go back to my place, throw on some comfy clothes and watch Gilmore Girls. =^)
It sucked so bad when she had to leave though. When I got back to my apartment after she left, it just felt so empty and I just sat down and started crying my eyes out. I miss my family so damn much! I can't wait to get out of the military because I want to move back to my hometown. I told James that night that I didn't think that I could stand another 4 years being that far away from my family.
But anyways, Catherine is dancing on my bladder again so I gotta run to the bathroom.
Have a good week everyone!!!
James is in Indiana until this Saturday and has been since the sunday before last so I'm stuck alone in my apartment again. This weekend was nice though because my momma surprised me and came to visit for the weekend. It was so nice because she's been the one I've complained to the most about never feeling like I get any help and I wish James would pamper me just a little. And that's what she came here to do. She made me these tiny ham sandwiches that I love and would refill my drink if it was empty and clean out the litter box and wash the dishes. It was just so awesome to have her here with me for a couple days. I also got her hooked on Gilmore Girls! We had all these plans to go out and do all these errands that I've been putting off, but it rained all weekend and it was cold so we just decided to stay in most of the time. She taught me how to knit and got me a crocheting kit so I can learn how to do that too. We did get a couple errands out of the way but after 2 hours, we just wanted to go back to my place, throw on some comfy clothes and watch Gilmore Girls. =^)
It sucked so bad when she had to leave though. When I got back to my apartment after she left, it just felt so empty and I just sat down and started crying my eyes out. I miss my family so damn much! I can't wait to get out of the military because I want to move back to my hometown. I told James that night that I didn't think that I could stand another 4 years being that far away from my family.
But anyways, Catherine is dancing on my bladder again so I gotta run to the bathroom.
Have a good week everyone!!!
Monday, February 9, 2009
second post today
Ok, so I know it's not actually Wednesday but I thought these question were funny and I am bored at work......so here it goes =^)
1.) Tell us something that to you is weird about your significant other. (If single, pick an ex) It can be a personality quirk, a hobby, a habit, a ritual etc but just make sure it's something you find odd about them.
ok, well my husband has this thing about new warm laundry. As soon as I bring the laundry in he'll run in, like an exicted 8 year old, and grab one of his clean shirts, throw off the one he's wearing an put the other one on. And yes, I'm sure that other's do that too BUT they way he does it is sooo funny. He puts the shirt on super slow and has the silliest look on his face and makes this noise...like a mix between "ahhhhhhh" and "yessssss." hehe, he's a goofball!
2.) What are 3 songs that you find sexy?
Um, wow this is a harder one.....I'd have to say most of Usher's songs back in the day. Like a woman(don't remember who it's by, but it's a country song, and it's relatively new) and Come to bed by Gretchen Wilson.
3.) After your partner goes down on you, do they have to brush their teeth/rinse with mouthwash before meeting your mouth again or do things just roll on?
well, we finish bumping uglies but I don't let him near my mouth again! haha. He sticks to the neck area and whatnot and rinses out his mouth after the hear between the sheets. =^)
4.) Is it ever okay to go ass to mouth without cleaning in between? (Anal sex to oral sex. Licking the anus to kissing. Etc )
NO. Enough said. But honestly, I don't go anywhere near his hairy ass and he doesn't go near mine. That it a huge no no. haha
5.) If you were going to give yourself a "Most Likely To..." award for this week, what would your title be?
clean the apartment. I'll probably ask hubby to do it but I'll end up doing it anyways.
6.) Do you read any self-help books? If so, which is your favorite? If not, why not?
Well, the only one I've actually bought and read "He's Just Not That into You." I didn't need to advice, I'm just a huge SATC fan and new the book was going to be funny and intriging. Which it was....and so was the movie.
7.) Do you prefer to buy porn, sex toys, lube and things of that nature in a store or discreetly online? Why?
Um, well the hubby and I have bought toys and whatnot at the store. But I made him actually buy the stuff. I'm always afraid that if I order it that it'll say on the box what the contents are.
8.) List these things in order from what you find most sexy to least sexy: Money, Loyalty, Sense of humor, Intelligence, Kindness, Romantic, Open-mindedness, Kinky, Honesty.
Loyalty. Sense of humor. Honesty. Intelligence. Romantic. Kindness. Open-midedness. Kinky. Money.
To me, none of that is "least sexy" it's just in the order of importance to me.
1.) Tell us something that to you is weird about your significant other. (If single, pick an ex) It can be a personality quirk, a hobby, a habit, a ritual etc but just make sure it's something you find odd about them.
ok, well my husband has this thing about new warm laundry. As soon as I bring the laundry in he'll run in, like an exicted 8 year old, and grab one of his clean shirts, throw off the one he's wearing an put the other one on. And yes, I'm sure that other's do that too BUT they way he does it is sooo funny. He puts the shirt on super slow and has the silliest look on his face and makes this noise...like a mix between "ahhhhhhh" and "yessssss." hehe, he's a goofball!
2.) What are 3 songs that you find sexy?
Um, wow this is a harder one.....I'd have to say most of Usher's songs back in the day. Like a woman(don't remember who it's by, but it's a country song, and it's relatively new) and Come to bed by Gretchen Wilson.
3.) After your partner goes down on you, do they have to brush their teeth/rinse with mouthwash before meeting your mouth again or do things just roll on?
well, we finish bumping uglies but I don't let him near my mouth again! haha. He sticks to the neck area and whatnot and rinses out his mouth after the hear between the sheets. =^)
4.) Is it ever okay to go ass to mouth without cleaning in between? (Anal sex to oral sex. Licking the anus to kissing. Etc )
NO. Enough said. But honestly, I don't go anywhere near his hairy ass and he doesn't go near mine. That it a huge no no. haha
5.) If you were going to give yourself a "Most Likely To..." award for this week, what would your title be?
clean the apartment. I'll probably ask hubby to do it but I'll end up doing it anyways.
6.) Do you read any self-help books? If so, which is your favorite? If not, why not?
Well, the only one I've actually bought and read "He's Just Not That into You." I didn't need to advice, I'm just a huge SATC fan and new the book was going to be funny and intriging. Which it was....and so was the movie.
7.) Do you prefer to buy porn, sex toys, lube and things of that nature in a store or discreetly online? Why?
Um, well the hubby and I have bought toys and whatnot at the store. But I made him actually buy the stuff. I'm always afraid that if I order it that it'll say on the box what the contents are.
8.) List these things in order from what you find most sexy to least sexy: Money, Loyalty, Sense of humor, Intelligence, Kindness, Romantic, Open-mindedness, Kinky, Honesty.
Loyalty. Sense of humor. Honesty. Intelligence. Romantic. Kindness. Open-midedness. Kinky. Money.
To me, none of that is "least sexy" it's just in the order of importance to me.
It's a good day tator
So, today I am happy. I haven't been really happy in awhile......I've mostly just been scared or mad or frustrated or sad. But today, I am none of those things....THANK HEAVANS =^)
Here's what happened.....Thursday morning, baby momma texts James saying "can you take madeline?" and that was it. After repeatedly trying, he finally got ahold of her on her house phone and she tells him that her dad(who she lives with) and the rest of her family all think she needs some sort of help. They think that for one, she needs a break from being a mother and 2, that she is depressed and bipolar and want her to get professional help. So James says yes, of course, he'd love to have Madeline. He tells me that we're getting Madeline and that we are going to be driving up to New York the next day to pick her up.
My reaction?......."what the hell??"
I started to look into daycares right away and then when I got off work at 12 I asked him to go to lunch with me so we could talk. I had a shitload of questions to ask him and I wanted to know how we were planning on doing this without screwing ourselves. So, we were driving and I'm asking him questions about day care and child support and sleeping arrangment because we only have a 2 bedroom and the spare is set up for a baby at the moment. I was asking about the legalities so baby momma doesn't try and screw us over and so on and so forth. Well, he answers them in very short sentences or says, I don't know....and it was mostly the latter....and I started getting frustrated with him. I was trying to think things through and make sure we were going to be able to support her and make Madeline's transition easier. But it seemed like all James was thinking was, "awesome, I'm getting my daughter." Him thinking that is okay but the problem was that he wasn't thinking anywhere PAST that. He wasn't thinking about all the little details that were going to be involved with having Madeline stay with us.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I was happy that baby momma was going to let James take Madeline but I was scared shitless too. I'm 7 and 1/2 months pregnant with my first child and still trying to figure out how we're going to adapt to that one AND James is leaving 2 weeks from today for some other kind of training for 2 weeks. So that means I would be left with a confused 3 year old who is just being pushed from people to people and I don't know how to entertain a 3 year old or what they eat or anything.
Back to my original point....James wasn't thinking about any of this and wasn't planning for any of it. I mean, if he could have at least reassured me that things were going to be okay and that he was handeling it then I would have felt better about the whole situation. But he wasn't. He wasn't talking to me and filling me in on what was going on in his head. And yes I know that guys do that a lot....but this was too big a situation for him to keep me out of the loop like he was.
Then, he gets all mad at me because I'm frustrated with him(....see a pattern developing?) And he starts saying things like "I shouldn't be fighting about anything right now! I should be happy that I'm getting my daughter!" , "What....do you not want to have her here?" , "Fuck it, I'll tell [baby momma] that you have a problem with me keeping my daughter!"
That's when I started crying and telling him that for one, I do want her here but I also want him to man the fuck up and start reassuring me that we can handle this. I told him how all we've been doing is fighting and that's gotta change before we have a child around and that I needed him to open up and actually talk to me for once. I said that I feel like I'm always the one talking. Everytime I say we need to talk then he says "ok so talk." I do the talking, I do the opening up. He just sits there! Anyhoo.....I told him to get out of my car and I went home. He texted me like 5 minutes later and said "I'm sick of fucking fighting over little shit all the damn time." So, I fired back with "and I'm sick of feeling alone and not feeling loved. I have been stressed this entire pregnancy and you haven't done a damn thing to help. So fuck you."
Well, I believe that finally got to him. He got hom from work a couple hours later and the first thing he did was come up to me and give me a hug and finally talked. He said he was sorry for making me feel like I was alone and so stressed out. He admitted that he needed to step up more for me and take away some of the stress. He said that me and the baby are the most important things to him and he never wants me to doubt that. There's more, but that was the gist of the conversation. Also, turns out that baby momma changed her mind again because she didn't want to stop the child support. So she wasn't letting James take Madeline.
But for the last 3 days, he's been attentive and including me in his life more and actually letting me know what's going through his head.....for instance, he wants to start fighting for full custody of Madeline. We've talked about it and we have plenty of stuff on baby momma to make a good case, so we're going to see what we can do.
So, things are starting to look up and I'm in a better mood today than I have been in awhile. Also, since I've had so much time on my hands lately, I'm trying to find some hobbies that I can do. Some of the things I've always wanted to try are going to have wait until the baby gets here....like taking a kickboxing class or working part time at the horse stables here. But some things I want to try now are taking a cooking class....I really need the tips! haha. Or learning how to play the guitar. Or writing again....and I mean poems and stories and whatnot.
So what are some of yall's hobbies? I'd love to hear them and maybe steal an idea or two =^)
Here's what happened.....Thursday morning, baby momma texts James saying "can you take madeline?" and that was it. After repeatedly trying, he finally got ahold of her on her house phone and she tells him that her dad(who she lives with) and the rest of her family all think she needs some sort of help. They think that for one, she needs a break from being a mother and 2, that she is depressed and bipolar and want her to get professional help. So James says yes, of course, he'd love to have Madeline. He tells me that we're getting Madeline and that we are going to be driving up to New York the next day to pick her up.
My reaction?......."what the hell??"
I started to look into daycares right away and then when I got off work at 12 I asked him to go to lunch with me so we could talk. I had a shitload of questions to ask him and I wanted to know how we were planning on doing this without screwing ourselves. So, we were driving and I'm asking him questions about day care and child support and sleeping arrangment because we only have a 2 bedroom and the spare is set up for a baby at the moment. I was asking about the legalities so baby momma doesn't try and screw us over and so on and so forth. Well, he answers them in very short sentences or says, I don't know....and it was mostly the latter....and I started getting frustrated with him. I was trying to think things through and make sure we were going to be able to support her and make Madeline's transition easier. But it seemed like all James was thinking was, "awesome, I'm getting my daughter." Him thinking that is okay but the problem was that he wasn't thinking anywhere PAST that. He wasn't thinking about all the little details that were going to be involved with having Madeline stay with us.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I was happy that baby momma was going to let James take Madeline but I was scared shitless too. I'm 7 and 1/2 months pregnant with my first child and still trying to figure out how we're going to adapt to that one AND James is leaving 2 weeks from today for some other kind of training for 2 weeks. So that means I would be left with a confused 3 year old who is just being pushed from people to people and I don't know how to entertain a 3 year old or what they eat or anything.
Back to my original point....James wasn't thinking about any of this and wasn't planning for any of it. I mean, if he could have at least reassured me that things were going to be okay and that he was handeling it then I would have felt better about the whole situation. But he wasn't. He wasn't talking to me and filling me in on what was going on in his head. And yes I know that guys do that a lot....but this was too big a situation for him to keep me out of the loop like he was.
Then, he gets all mad at me because I'm frustrated with him(....see a pattern developing?) And he starts saying things like "I shouldn't be fighting about anything right now! I should be happy that I'm getting my daughter!" , "What....do you not want to have her here?" , "Fuck it, I'll tell [baby momma] that you have a problem with me keeping my daughter!"
That's when I started crying and telling him that for one, I do want her here but I also want him to man the fuck up and start reassuring me that we can handle this. I told him how all we've been doing is fighting and that's gotta change before we have a child around and that I needed him to open up and actually talk to me for once. I said that I feel like I'm always the one talking. Everytime I say we need to talk then he says "ok so talk." I do the talking, I do the opening up. He just sits there! Anyhoo.....I told him to get out of my car and I went home. He texted me like 5 minutes later and said "I'm sick of fucking fighting over little shit all the damn time." So, I fired back with "and I'm sick of feeling alone and not feeling loved. I have been stressed this entire pregnancy and you haven't done a damn thing to help. So fuck you."
Well, I believe that finally got to him. He got hom from work a couple hours later and the first thing he did was come up to me and give me a hug and finally talked. He said he was sorry for making me feel like I was alone and so stressed out. He admitted that he needed to step up more for me and take away some of the stress. He said that me and the baby are the most important things to him and he never wants me to doubt that. There's more, but that was the gist of the conversation. Also, turns out that baby momma changed her mind again because she didn't want to stop the child support. So she wasn't letting James take Madeline.
But for the last 3 days, he's been attentive and including me in his life more and actually letting me know what's going through his head.....for instance, he wants to start fighting for full custody of Madeline. We've talked about it and we have plenty of stuff on baby momma to make a good case, so we're going to see what we can do.
So, things are starting to look up and I'm in a better mood today than I have been in awhile. Also, since I've had so much time on my hands lately, I'm trying to find some hobbies that I can do. Some of the things I've always wanted to try are going to have wait until the baby gets here....like taking a kickboxing class or working part time at the horse stables here. But some things I want to try now are taking a cooking class....I really need the tips! haha. Or learning how to play the guitar. Or writing again....and I mean poems and stories and whatnot.
So what are some of yall's hobbies? I'd love to hear them and maybe steal an idea or two =^)
Thursday, February 5, 2009
dealing with it
Hey everyone. There's not much to write about at the moment. Unfortunately, I'm still having the same issues as before. I know it's due to the damn horomones and I can't wait for them to go away.
I feel like I'm dealing with all of this alone. James and I keep fighting because he thinks I'm too emotional, but all I want is for him to act like this is something amazing and to be excited about it. I have no family here or any close friends to talk to. I call them but it's just not the same as being able to be with them. I think that's part of the reason why I'm so needy towards James. He's my only real support out here, and he keeps pulling away.
All I want is a little reassurance that everything is going to be okay and work out. I'm so scared of what's to come in the next few months. I don't know how to take care of a baby. Hell, I've never even changed a diaper. Babysitting was not something I did growing up. I worked with food and adults!
I don't want to keep fighting with him. Especially with a baby around. I don't want to be that couple that constantly fights around thier kid. I don't want Catherine to grow up thinking that there's anything wrong with her or that any of it is her fault. I just want us to be a happy family and work together and get along.
I am sick of being sad right now. I want to be happy.
I feel like I'm dealing with all of this alone. James and I keep fighting because he thinks I'm too emotional, but all I want is for him to act like this is something amazing and to be excited about it. I have no family here or any close friends to talk to. I call them but it's just not the same as being able to be with them. I think that's part of the reason why I'm so needy towards James. He's my only real support out here, and he keeps pulling away.
All I want is a little reassurance that everything is going to be okay and work out. I'm so scared of what's to come in the next few months. I don't know how to take care of a baby. Hell, I've never even changed a diaper. Babysitting was not something I did growing up. I worked with food and adults!
I don't want to keep fighting with him. Especially with a baby around. I don't want to be that couple that constantly fights around thier kid. I don't want Catherine to grow up thinking that there's anything wrong with her or that any of it is her fault. I just want us to be a happy family and work together and get along.
I am sick of being sad right now. I want to be happy.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Sad
Hey everyone. Let me start off by saying that I hope everyone is having a good friday.
Yeah.....my last post was one big rant....and even though I thought I got it all out there, I'm still mad. Well....actually, I'm kinda sad today. My mom told me to kick the horomones ass and I tried, I really did. But then James got home yesterday and showed me the pictures from his trip. All of the one's with Madeline were extremely cute....she's such a pretty little girl....but there were two pitures that bothered me to no end. Two of them were of the three of them...as in, James, Madeline and baby momma. And I know some people may think that I'm over reacting but it hurt so damn bad to see the three of them together....like a happy little family. I seriously never realized how hard it was going to be to deal with the fact that he has another family....and I'm not apart of it. I know there are plenty of people out there who aren't with their baby mommas or daddies.....it's fairly common....but I've never been put in this situation before. But part of the reason why it bugs me so much is because we are married now and expecting....it's not like I'm just his girlfriend, because if I were, I'd understand him wanting to meet her alone. But I wanted to share that huge moment in his life WITH him. Even if I couldn't go, him just asking me to be there would've made me feel like he wanted to share it with me.
Also, I must be a horrible person because alot of times, I wish he didn't have another kid. I don't hate Madeline, I really don't. She's so cute and sweet and I'm glad she got to see her daddy.....but I just wish that this kid that I'm having was OUR first...not just MY first. You know? It makes me so sad to see pictures of all of them and know that they were all laughing together, sitting together and watching THEIR daughter laugh and play. And I was at home, alone, sitting on my ass hoping that I'd get a phone call from him telling me how much fun he's having and that he wishes I was there. Never got that phone call.
I really didn't think it was possible to hate a person this much. Actually, until now, I don't think I've ever truely hated someone.....but her.....I hate with a passion. I hate that she has a part of James' life for the rest of her life, I hate that no matter where we go or what we do in the future baby momma will know about it and will put her 2 cents in and she will always have that special bond with James because of Madeline.
Maybe it's just the horomones and maybe I'll stop being this sad and depressed and angry once the baby comes......God I hope so. I don't think I can take feeling like this anymore. It takes way too much out of me.
Once again, people may think that I'm overreacting, but this is how I feel at the moment.
Yeah.....my last post was one big rant....and even though I thought I got it all out there, I'm still mad. Well....actually, I'm kinda sad today. My mom told me to kick the horomones ass and I tried, I really did. But then James got home yesterday and showed me the pictures from his trip. All of the one's with Madeline were extremely cute....she's such a pretty little girl....but there were two pitures that bothered me to no end. Two of them were of the three of them...as in, James, Madeline and baby momma. And I know some people may think that I'm over reacting but it hurt so damn bad to see the three of them together....like a happy little family. I seriously never realized how hard it was going to be to deal with the fact that he has another family....and I'm not apart of it. I know there are plenty of people out there who aren't with their baby mommas or daddies.....it's fairly common....but I've never been put in this situation before. But part of the reason why it bugs me so much is because we are married now and expecting....it's not like I'm just his girlfriend, because if I were, I'd understand him wanting to meet her alone. But I wanted to share that huge moment in his life WITH him. Even if I couldn't go, him just asking me to be there would've made me feel like he wanted to share it with me.
Also, I must be a horrible person because alot of times, I wish he didn't have another kid. I don't hate Madeline, I really don't. She's so cute and sweet and I'm glad she got to see her daddy.....but I just wish that this kid that I'm having was OUR first...not just MY first. You know? It makes me so sad to see pictures of all of them and know that they were all laughing together, sitting together and watching THEIR daughter laugh and play. And I was at home, alone, sitting on my ass hoping that I'd get a phone call from him telling me how much fun he's having and that he wishes I was there. Never got that phone call.
I really didn't think it was possible to hate a person this much. Actually, until now, I don't think I've ever truely hated someone.....but her.....I hate with a passion. I hate that she has a part of James' life for the rest of her life, I hate that no matter where we go or what we do in the future baby momma will know about it and will put her 2 cents in and she will always have that special bond with James because of Madeline.
Maybe it's just the horomones and maybe I'll stop being this sad and depressed and angry once the baby comes......God I hope so. I don't think I can take feeling like this anymore. It takes way too much out of me.
Once again, people may think that I'm overreacting, but this is how I feel at the moment.
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