Any day now

So I am 39 weeks pregnant and my due date is on Monday. However, I can say with 100% certanty that the 4th will be the actual 9 month mark since conception =^) So my babygirl should be here any day now.

I'm nervous. Scared. Excited. Worried. Impatient. Happy and sad all at the same time right now....which I'm sure most of you, who have been here, experienced too. I'm so excited that I will be able to hold her for the first time soon and that I will have a better version of me and my husband to take care of and guide and love. But I'm scared out of my mind...how will I deal with the no sleep? What if I can't figure out why she's crying? What if she gets really sick? What if I mess up? How will I ever be able to walk out the door or watch the news again without thinking "Something bad could happen to her??"

I never thought that I would ever have kids. It just wasn't something that I looked forward to in my life. I mean, it's not like I didn't want kids....it's just I could never picture myself as a parent. I was never the girl that said to herself "One day I want __ kids" If I was around friends who had babies, I didn't know what to say or how to act around them. I'd see other people just talking away to the baby or toddler and I would sit there all quiet. Then, when the parent expected me to talk to the baby, I just felt silly! I don't know if I'm making any sense here....and I know I'm rambling....I'm just nervous and afraid that I won't be a good mother. I know that a lot of women go through these emotions before the baby comes....but I guess that every woman also feels like she's the first one to feel that way, ya know? It's the never ending cycle I guess.

Another thing that I am looking forward to but also dreading is all the family that will be here. My parents are going to drive here once they get the phone call and be in the delivery room with me....as long as my labor lasts longer than 4 hours because that's how far away they are. Also, James' Aunt and Grandma will definetely be here. Then, his Dad and girlfriend are trying to fly in, plus his cousin and lastly my best friend is going to try and make it. I'm excited that our families will get a chance to meet finally and I'm excited because I know that everyone is going to me baking up a storm for us while they're here and bringing gifts and what not. But I'm dreading it because I've heard how families can be around new parents. I'll be grateful for advice and the help but I'm not looking forward to the "do it this way" "no, you have to do this" and pretty much being told what to do with my own baby and everyone thinking that their way is the right way. Again, I hope I'm making sense here....I'm not trying to sound bitchy or anything, but it's like the people who haven't taken care of a baby in 40 years feel as though they can tell you what to do and what not to do. I'm sure that everyone who's been a parent has some good advice and only means well, but I guess what I'm saying is, there's such a thing as being helpful and then there's over bearing......ya know?

However, it is family and family only means well so I know that I will just sit there and listen and nod at everything that is said. Because they all have to leave eventually! =^)

Well, this may be my last post for awhile but we'll see how the next week goes!

Wish me luck people!!