*Disclaimer*

Ok, so I know I haven't really gotten personal in this blog yet. And to tell you the truth....I think it was because I didn't want to show the other parts of me...the depressing and confusing side of me. I censored everything and so far, I have only talked about what's on the surface. And lets face it....that's not what people want to hear. People want the inside scoop. People want to read the 'good stuff,' I mean, I know that's why I read certain blogs and that's probably why everyone reads these things. So it's time that I stop acting like the happy-go-lucky chick who only talks about her fishes or the gilmore girls or wierd neighbors. It's time for me to be raw and real.....so here it goes......



So this weekend was.....umm.....interesting.



James and I were fighting the majority of the time. I know I haven't really gone into detail about my relationship, and that's because I was trying not to sound like I'm bitchy or anything but you know what....?



Screw. That. Shit.



I love him, I really do. But I honestly want to shake the SHIT out of him sometimes.



We stopped talking for about a week. It all started when my phone rang last Monday evening. It was my friend John calling but I ignored the call because we were having a nice relaxing evening together....were being the operative word. All of a sudden he's all withdrawn and jackassy towards me. We start bickering and frankly, I'm fed up because if I talk to any guy then that means I'm going to sleep with him(even though I've never done anything to make him believe that stupid shit!) I have 3 older brothers and I have mostly guy friends, he knew that from the START! A year and a half later....it's still the same old shit. I say hi to a guy...I'm going to cheat. I go to the smoke deck(which is at work for crying out loud) and there's another guy out there....I'm going to cheat. I go to my hometown and have a conversation with my oldest friend who....shocker......is a guy....I'm going to cheat. Are you starting to get the picture? Apparently....I'm a big whore.



Anyways....kindof got side tracked. So back to the story.....



So, this time around I wasn't about to have a big head to head with him so I told him I was done talking about it. (He hates it when I do that because that's 'his' thing!) Well, I was trying to get my bag ready for work the next day and he jumps in and says "So what other guys that I don't know about have your number?" That was the final straw for me so I said "Gee...I don't know DAD! Do I need your approval for every person I am friends with?!?!" It's not like I keep these people from him. I tell him who they are and I try and get him to hang out with my friends that he doesn't know. But just because they are guys it's a problem. I'm apparently only allowed to hang out with the girlfriends or wives of HIS guy friend. And to me....it's bullshit. I can talk to who ever I want to talk to. I'm not doing anything wrong and I'm always open and honest about it.

Well, that resulted in a week of us not talking. That weekend we sort of made up....as in he starts acting all nice to me and I in return try and drop it as well. Then Saturday night, we fight once again! He didn't like that fact that when we were at a party I was listening to this guy's ipod. The guy knew James, James knew him, they were friends. When James walked in from outside smoking, I looked at him and said "Hey baby! Listen to this!" He just stared at me. Apparently, James' wasted friend came over to "defend" James' woman(whatever!) and jerked the ipod away from me and started talking shit to this guy! I said "fuck this. I'm going outside."

When James and I get home he tells me that he thought we were sitting too close to each other and the other guy was trying to help. I said "Excuse me!!? We were sitting at a dining room table, in different chairs. He had some good music on his ipod and I was just listening to it. There was nothing wrong with what I was doing! No flirting from him or me!"

And it just escalated from there.

Of course the next day he apologized and blamed most of it on the alcohol.

It just pisses me off soooo damn much. I love him to death but he's just a jealous guy and I hate it. We were raised completely different ways. I'm a country girl with 3 brothers and grew up as a tomboy. I played football with the guys (still do) and joke around and have fun with guys without coming across as "ohh I want to jump you." James grew up in Long Island and apparently if a girl hangs with the guys then they are dykes or trying to hook up with one of them. (That's what he says) AND he loves doing couple things. I mean, there's nothing wrong with it but it's like if there's a single person around then they are a leper(sp?). I don't hang out with only couples. I've always been a very socialable person, jumping from group to group and friend to friend.

There's no way he and I can survive if when he deploys in June if he continues to act this way!