So today is not a good day and it's only 0830. The only good that could happen today would be the few inches of snow they are calling for. I love the snow and I really hope that we get some.
Anyways, so James is still in New York and is now wanting to stay till Friday. He said he'd be back today but not anymore! And it's not like I can really get mad at him or ask him to come home because he's with his daughter and I'd end up being a selfish bitch. So, now I am stuck in a pissed off place and without him for the rest of the week.
See, I don't mind at all that he's with his daughter. I think that part is great and I am so happy that he's bonding with her. However, it also means he's with the bitch BM. OH! And btw.....she sent me a message on myspace the day after she saw him that said stuff like "they bonded so quick." and "thanks for supporting James in meeting Madeline" blah blah blah......the message was all nice and sweet until the last part. And being as pregnant as I am....it reeeeeaaaallly got to me. She said, and I quote......
"4th of july is a good time for james to conceive children lol that is the day i conceived madeline and he told me thats when the 2 of you conceived your lil girl thought that was funny.but anyways write back when you can sweetie :) "
yeah....that's copy and paste right there. But can someone please explain to me when is it EVER ok to tell your baby daddy's pregnant wife what day yall fucked? I swear she is either just stupid as hell or she wrote it to deliberately piss me off. And why he's telling her when we did it too? I have no idea. Maybe it's just the horomones but I'm seriously irritated and sick of him being with BM everynight.
Listen, I've never been the jealous type but since I've been pregnant, my biggest fear is now cheating. I know some of it will go away when Catherine arrives and the horomones settle down but I think now that I have a husband and child that it will always be on the top of my fears list. And even though he's never given me a reason to believe that he'd cheat on me, I still see and hear about other's who did cheat and no one ever expected them to. Like one of my good friends has been with this guy for a little over a year now. And this guy has been in love with her forever. Since they were both like 14. Anyways, he slept with someone else not too long ago and it shocked the hell out of me and everyone else. They are still together because she decided to give him another chance.....but damn! I couldn't do that. I believe that if James ever slept with someone else, I could never look at him again, let alone sleep in the same bed. Another fear of mine is not knowing. Him cheating and if not getting back to me. I don't think I can really explain this one but all I know is that it scares me.
Ok, sorry guys. I didn't mean to write the entire about cheating and lying....haha. I'm just sad and irritated and lonely and jealous that BM is getting all this extra time with James and I'm not. I know he's not there to see her but it stills hurts and I can't help but second guess everything he or she says to me.
Fucking horomones.
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