Hey everyone. Let me start off by saying that I hope everyone is having a good friday.
Yeah.....my last post was one big rant....and even though I thought I got it all out there, I'm still mad. Well....actually, I'm kinda sad today. My mom told me to kick the horomones ass and I tried, I really did. But then James got home yesterday and showed me the pictures from his trip. All of the one's with Madeline were extremely cute....she's such a pretty little girl....but there were two pitures that bothered me to no end. Two of them were of the three of them...as in, James, Madeline and baby momma. And I know some people may think that I'm over reacting but it hurt so damn bad to see the three of them together....like a happy little family. I seriously never realized how hard it was going to be to deal with the fact that he has another family....and I'm not apart of it. I know there are plenty of people out there who aren't with their baby mommas or daddies.....it's fairly common....but I've never been put in this situation before. But part of the reason why it bugs me so much is because we are married now and expecting....it's not like I'm just his girlfriend, because if I were, I'd understand him wanting to meet her alone. But I wanted to share that huge moment in his life WITH him. Even if I couldn't go, him just asking me to be there would've made me feel like he wanted to share it with me.
Also, I must be a horrible person because alot of times, I wish he didn't have another kid. I don't hate Madeline, I really don't. She's so cute and sweet and I'm glad she got to see her daddy.....but I just wish that this kid that I'm having was OUR first...not just MY first. You know? It makes me so sad to see pictures of all of them and know that they were all laughing together, sitting together and watching THEIR daughter laugh and play. And I was at home, alone, sitting on my ass hoping that I'd get a phone call from him telling me how much fun he's having and that he wishes I was there. Never got that phone call.
I really didn't think it was possible to hate a person this much. Actually, until now, I don't think I've ever truely hated someone.....but her.....I hate with a passion. I hate that she has a part of James' life for the rest of her life, I hate that no matter where we go or what we do in the future baby momma will know about it and will put her 2 cents in and she will always have that special bond with James because of Madeline.
Maybe it's just the horomones and maybe I'll stop being this sad and depressed and angry once the baby comes......God I hope so. I don't think I can take feeling like this anymore. It takes way too much out of me.
Once again, people may think that I'm overreacting, but this is how I feel at the moment.
3 comments:
oh honey. It's ok. Trust me! I'm 8 1/2 months pregnant, and the hormones are really starting to kick in. i snapped at Matt the other night cause I stubbed my toe, he laughed and said "hurts doesn't it?" like he always does and I just yelled "shut up!" and started to cry! the hormones are normal!
as to your last post, telling her when you "fucked" she might have deduced that from your due date and how many months along you are. If you're due around Madeline's birthday, then she would just count back.
try to cheer up. Just remember, he may have to spend time with her because of his daughter, but it's YOU he comes home to, YOU he's chosen to have a life with, and hopefully that will help a bit:)
Thanks kbear. Things are a little bit better this week....I was just so emotional last week. Plus I missed him and I just didn't want to share him, ya know? haha
But, I understand where her logic came from with the whole concieving issue...I had done the math too and figured it was around the beginning of July. However, it just hit a nerve that she decided to share with me when her and my husband screwed and got pregnant.
haha
you know what I mean? It's like thinking something can be perfectly ok....but saying it out loud (and from her) just isn't something you say to the pregnant wife who's hormonal and all alone.
well, it IS his ex, and it's gotta urk just a little bit coming from the ex. I would be pissed too. I'm sorry, but when you conceived, that's not something I would want to discuss, especially with my hubby's ex girlfriend!
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